But not to another state, just around the 'kerner.' Our 6 month lease is up. How time has gone by so quickly. Much has happened, and although it is all worth giving a bullet point too, I'd rather not. I always behaved/believed like a survivor. Never have my survival skills been tested more than in recent months. I have doubted more than I would like. Myself, our choice to move and if anything from my life before would ever visit me again. I use to scold my children for using the word 'hate,' encouraging them to find a kinder/gentler (BUSH) word. Yet, it's found a home in my vocabulary. I was on a ladder the other day, installing drapes. They were a bugger to get on the rod. I mean it took the hub and me about an hour to get three panels on to one rod because the rod pocket was to small in places. So, we go to put the valance in front of the panels and realize we have put them (panels) on the wrong rod and had to start over. I said to the 'hub' "I HATE this job" while trying to hold back tears. When we were finally done, the couple couldn't stop saying how much they loved the drapes. They told us of the many people they had consulted with before us who said it couldn't be done. Also, if we lived in Chicago, (their hometown) they would have all kinds of business for us. I'm glad we made them happy. I know more than I think, however, my confidence is hovering somewhere around, ohh....the height of Skully's belly from the ground. You know he's a chihuahua right? I wish I could be more open, but.....somethings are to personal, even for me to share. The 'hub' says I'm good @ this business. Peeps do seem to like me, (most of them.) I'd like to say I like all of them too! I've led a charmed life. My charms of life have been healthy children and husband, living in beautiful places, being able to stay @ home and take care of my family, pushing a button that raises my garage door to keep me from the rain, neighbors that care about their belongings and mine, friends......having time to make them and play with them (thanks for visiting Walter & Claudia), working out/being fit, dishwashers that actually worked, closets big enough to hold all of my clothes and room for shopping excursions, shopping excursions (these days shopping happens @ the grocery store only), homes that were big enough to invite friends in for dinners, bible studies, Southern Living Parties, etc., weather that allowed camping, hiking and being able to walk outside w/out feeling oppressed by the heat, (trust me there is a difference between 105 w/humidity and 105 w/out). I need to start a new sentence, my English teachers would have red penned me big time by now because of the length of my last sentence. I could go on and on. I'm acutely aware of what I had and what I have. It's as if God has reached down plucked me up out of charm ville and placed me in .......... no not -ell, but certainly a place that makes me feel that I have had the wind knocked out of me. Hack, Hack, gulp, gulp. So, all that to say I'm breathing once again. My charms these days are Lilybelle, seeing my children more, being able to complete a sentence without stopping because my mind is engaged and humming, a happy husband, seeing our friends the 'Woolseys' (I love these peepes,) owning my OWN DAGGON BUSINESS, less judgemental of mankind (even though I've been exposed to some real rascals,) attending Charles Swindoll's church (it doesn't get any better than Chuck), riding around in our company van, (I know it's strange, but I love riding around in the van.) new sentence/paragraph

Last but not least......I see a different side of life. I've been pushed....actually 'shoved' would be a more complete definition, into a foreign world. Everything is the same, I'm the one whose changed/changing. I wish I could focus on the latter more. Changing.......it's all for a purpose, never a waste. Can I share one more important point? (yes Tami. after all, it is your blog) I could still stay @ home.....the 'hub' reminds me of this often. I choose to do this, side by side w/the 'hub.' We are in this together, it's always been like that for us. Whatever one does the other pushes forth their lot to the middle of the table and says...."All in Partner."


Jackie said...

Thanks for your complete transparency, Tami! You are a wonderful woman and are dearly loved by me:)

Julie W said...

And I love you, friend! Can't wait until we connect again. Hang in there.

Puff said...

It'll get better momma. I promise. I know I have some of the feelings you're feeling. Life is kinda rough right now but soon this will all be a distant memory. These are the times that make you an even BETTER person...I know that's hard to imagine since you're pretty epic already ;) Love you and see you this weekend! Can't wait to get outta here!!!