Miss you Momma

Mother's day should be a happy one for mom's. The 'hub' took me camping because he knows this is my favorite thing to do. He works very hard trying to make every thing just right on my special day. My thoughts drift to my kids, I miss them. Fortunately, I will be seeing them this week as we travel down to Texas to watch Katie graduate from college. Even deeper thoughts of my mom. I wish I had one more mother's day w/her. I would ask her questions that I never had answers for...like..."did you like camping when we were little?" And..."how did you ever make it through the hot flashes momma?" I think more then the questions I would just sit by her side, breathe in the way she always smelled like she just came out of the washer that was mixed w/Gain and Downy. Her whites were always the whitest, her smile made me warm inside, and she was the best listener ever. As I sit here on my porch in the backyard, I see bits of her all around the place. A hummingbird feeder hanging by a tree. She loved hummingbirds. There was always a feeder hanging where ever we lived. She would watch out the window and talk about the ruby red necked ones, joking about how unfair it was that the males had all the colors while the females were w/out. I have two large pots on my porch and planted in them are rose bushes. Our house in Issaquah, Washington had a beautiful yard with a large dead tree stump in the middle. My mom planted rose bushes around the base. They were gorgeous. She liked Rhododendrons too. She called them "rhodies". My feet are propped up as I type and I can see the tops of my toes. I have my moms toes. She always was able to take her big toe and make it stick up higher then the rest. It was her trademark....along w/so many other things. I can't even look @ my hands and not think about her. Bitter sweet, these hands of mine. They make me think of my mom.......which, like right now, makes me unbelievably sad. Other times, when I look at them working, it's as if she's right here w/me. Memories alone take up space in my world when it comes to my mom. Add hummingbirds, roses, feet, hands rhododendrons and a host of other things that were unique to my mom.....and simply put, she's either in my thoughts or in my sight every day. Mother's day isn't what it once was for me.

1 comment:

Puff said...

I'm sorry you're sad c bee. I told rowdy today that I bet it was a hard day for you being without your mom. I miss her too and I'm glad you have great memories of her and I'm equally glad I got to be close to her before she went. I'm glad I have you and you're the greatest mom. I hate knowing I will have to have a mother;s day without you someday...it breaks my heart, but I can't dwell on that and nino is with God now. She's happy and out of pain and watching you and the hummingbirds right now. I love you mom. Smile and think of my rita's songs:) See you thursday! say hi to dad and skuttee for me!